New Wave or New Girlfriend?
I just got out of a five year relationship. We did not have any problems, aside from the usual little fights all couples tend to go through. That is, until three months ago. She found out I was dishonest about my entire lifestyle for the past five years. Needless to say we did not end on friendly terms . Two weeks ago I met someone else at a music festival and we really hit it off. Predictably the thing we bonded on the most was our mutual love for music, mostly underground type stuff. Well, I don’t want what happened in my last relationship to happen with her, so my question for you is: When Is the right time to tell her I’m really into 80’s new wave music? And I’m not talking about the redeemable post-punk DEVO type stuff. I’m talking cheesy overly synth based TOTO and Talk Talk type music. I just don’t want her to be freaked out, but I don’t want to have another dishonest relationship either.
Flock of Sadness.
I can see why you wrote to me. On one hand you can’t just spring information like this on the first date. One time I had a date where the guy revealed he was a registered sex offender five minutes after ordering the appetizer. Of course that’s horrible but obviously this pales in comparison to your particular revelation so I understand the concern. But at the same time you can’t live a lie throughout a long term relationship out of respect for her and not to mention for your own sanity.
The best advice I can offer you is to ease her into the new wave gently. From what I can gather you have enough musical knowledge to discuss with her long enough to stall. Don’t Mention Talk Talk. If you reveal you know obscure information about Talk Talk, (yes, this includes their post rock artsy album) at the dinner table it will result in questions such as “How do you know about that” and “You’re not the man I thought you were.” I’ve seen this scenario countless times, often dinner plates are thrown and shattered. She may even reveal she likes Josh Groban just to spite you.
Start by playing contemporary music that may be influenced by 80’s new wave. Not heavily influenced, but influenced nonetheless. Mention “I think these guys were really into that Heaven 17 band. Weird huh?” If all goes well she’ll look up the influences and at the very least pretend to understand the disgustingly cheesiness that is Heaven 17’s "Temptation." Then play a commonly known song, such as Flock of Seagulls “I Ran”. Play the track and pretend like you forget the name of the band, but show subtle signs you kind of like it. Hopefully this will make her appreciate it ironically which is better than nothing. After some time has passed casually mention that you think The Human Leauge song "Don’t you want me baby" is “Kind of catchy.” By all means, do not state you like the song. Only say it’s catchy. This is an undeniable fact she can’t argue with. Continue these little casual mentions, maybe once every three weeks, such as “Hey they were playing Toto’s 'Africa' in the grocery store, how about that huh?” and “I just read an article about Gary Numan. Fascinating guy, he’s very dedicated to his art. Didn’t realize how much his sound has evolved.”” Soon you will see a slow seamless transition into new wave being played in the house. Be patient. As for the talk about Talk Talk, you will know when the time is right. Best of luck to you!