Brotherman bill

William Davis Parker

"All love for the Brotherman, no love for the other man"

William Davis Parker, better known as The Brotherman Bill, is a multimedia artist and entertainer. With a BFA in Art direction/communications design, awarded by the PRATT Institute of art and design, Bill is taking the creative world by storm.  A cartoonist, a standup, a broadcaster, a designer, an illustrator, a writer, and even a rapper, no medium is safe from the Brotherman.  Currently Bill is serving as the host of Our Founding Liars, a conspiracy theory parody blog, as well as producing his first album under the persona Cass0nva de Generate.  This website serves as a platform for his projects as well as his pseudo intellectual ramblings.  Have fun.

Plants Respond To Humans Complimenting Other Plants: Jealousy Ensues

Scientist compliment plants while rapidly growing greenery behind cries out for attention.  This is due to a sickness  of hearing how "perfect" the other plants are.  The scientist have nicknamed the plants Marshas and Jans after the popular television show The Brady Brunch.

Scientist compliment plants while rapidly growing greenery behind cries out for attention.  This is due to a sickness  of hearing how "perfect" the other plants are.  The scientist have nicknamed the plants Marshas and Jans after the popular television show The Brady Brunch.

 

Chances are the only seeds you're planting are deep seeded psychological issues according to a new study published under BOTANY TODAY. The Georgia based experiments suggests that gardeners unknowingly cultivate their plants with insecurities thanks to the poor choice of words and time spent on individual sprouts.

The idea that plants respond to human emotions was made popular from German professor Gustav Fechner’s book Nanna (Soul-life of Plants) which suggests that plant life feeds off positive energy via sound and pleasant dialogue.  Over a hundred years after the seminal text’s publishing, a new break through in botanical science shows how effective our words really are.   “As trans-formative as our positive talk to the plants were, we noticed an even higher significant change in the surrounding plants in audible distance. “ Says English botanist Henry Ivy.  “It’s as if the plant is growing envious of the other plant’s love.”

For instance, when the scientists complimented one subject's purple petals,  the shrubbery directly next to the subject grew an unusual deep purple.   “It was like it was trying to over compensate for something” Says ivy, “It was a little pathetic if you asked me.”  When told the plant had “Too many pretty petals to count” the opposing greenery grew twice as many buds and bloomed twice as fast, assumingly to seek attention and take the spotlight off the other plant.  “How obnoxious is that?”

In the case of the Boston Fern, a common house plant, the scientists uttered the words “You’re not like the other plants.”   The adjacent fern grew “an unusually large leaf that obstructed the appreciated fern’s view” from the scientists.”    Ivy has exclaimed he has never seen such passive aggressiveness in the plant world and he see’s eerily similarities in his current relationship. 

That particular observation is slightly related to a British study conducted in the late 90’s in which botanist Benedict Weeds concluded “Plant dispositions are surprisingly parallel to human nature.  We told a Rose Bush it was getting a promotion and proceeded to water it every day.  The smaller bushes surrounding it only received water every other day and did not grow as fast as the Rose Bush.   "Some hung in there and continued to do their photosynthesis duties, while others seemed to slowly give up and wither away.  It was quite amazing to see.”

Ivy explains the tonality of the words is crucial to the results of the experiment.  “If I serenade the plant, the others will do their best to be noticed.  After some time of whispering sweet nothings and promises of building a better future together,  we discovered cross pollination soon occurred.  Perhaps an attempt for one plant to move in and steal another plant’s gardener.   However when I brought in a local New York City construction worker to yell ‘Ay, Nice buds’ neither the subject or the other plants responded.   When the construction worker exclaimed ‘Hey, you should say thank you when someone compliments you!’ they continued to grow their natural cycle and pretend there was no human interaction.”  The scientist chuckled and stated“If I was a plant, I would do the same.”

Excerpts from 2 Chainz Notebook

 

The following citations are transcribed directly from a journal found under a first class seat of an airplane flying from Manhattan to Atlanta.   The notebook appears to belong to that of famous rapper 2 Chainz.  Rather then contact and return the notebook to its rightful owner, the airline opted to submit the private thoughts to our team, who were more than happy to turn them into public thoughts.   Judging from the recognizable lyrics found within the passages, its safe to assume these excerpts served as the building blocks to his hit songs we all know and love.  


              2/10/2010
"Yeah I love bad bitches that’s my fucking problem.  The problem is that our love is not mutual.  After all, if she had the capability of returning my love I doubt she would be classified a bad bitch.   And  unfortunately that's the only type of lady I seem to be attracted to as of late.  And I know I’ve been in terrible relationships in the past with bad bitches resulting in hurt and pain.   But alas. I can’t control how my heart feels.”

              9/12/2010
All I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe.  Well, just for the media, Superficial looks are important in my social circle.  Really, all I want is a conversation.   It’s hard to find anyone, let alone a girl who will talk to me normally.   But don't get me wrong, a big booty would be a plus.

             5/22/2012
“Lately I feel like this rap game is a mistake.   A lot of my contemporaries don’t see my vision.  Yet The media treats me like I'm just like the other top 40 hip hop artists.   Sometimes I don’t feel like a rapper, but rather that I am just a human being playing the role of a musician.    I don’t know.   I just feel  different.  I’m Different, yeah I’m different.  I pull up to the scene with my ceiling missing and just feel alienated from my fans and fellow peers.”

              6/15/08
Man I love them Strippers.  Especially Tammy.  She’s a nice young girl whose just trying to pay off a nasty student loan.    I hope she finds her way soon, she has too much to offer the world for a gig like this.”

              8/9/2011
Beating that pussy till the sun up.    I’m not proud to admit this.  My sexual addiction has really taken a toll on my creative work.   I don't care to write albums anymore...   I feel like  this never ending urge reminds me I'm nothing more then any other animal.   I'm just like an insect,  with  a natural animalistic instinct to pollinate  every flower I see.    However this rap game is enabling me....it's everywhere I turn..  And there are no flowers to travel to.   I  feel like a bee in a trap.”

“Looking at all my belongings...  I have one chain my high school sweetheart gave me,  back when I only had a mixtape....I think of a simpler time when I look at this chain.  One where I at least had dreams and aspirations to motivate me.   The other Chain I own was given to me by some MTV corporate talking head the day  I signed a record deal.  It represents both my accomplishments and change, but it also  is a picture of how the fame has taken over my very being...   I feel like the old chain, but I can't deny the new...This is why I call myself 2 Chainz.   When I am in the shower, reflecting, I will often have moments of sadness where I scream 2CHAIIIIINZ, right before i break down and cry..  This is why I changed my name from Single chain to 2Chainz"

8 Things Only Fans of The Killing will Understand

 

Oh yeah.  I totally watch Netflix's The Killing .   It’s undoubtedly the greatest show of the decade. Of course I don’t have to sit here and prove that to any of you with a list or anything but my employer has assigned me to cover this listicle. I said I'd do it BUT I'm also a huge fan with a lot to say about this absolutley wonderful show.  So let's dive right in!

1.  The chemistry between the characters.  No other show has had quite a dynamic between cast members like this one.  All original characters with their own motives reacting to other characters with their own motives.  Just like real Life!  Fans remember the dialogue and even have their own favorite lines.  
 

2.  How we felt when a season ended.   Unlike other popular shows like Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad or Orange is the new Black, The Killing is designed to binge watch.   No other fan of any other show knows what it’s like to start on episode 1 and end on episode 20 in the same day.   There’s at least 20 episodes of the killing out there right?  I mean, I’ve seen them all of course.   I just don’t have time to fact check is all.  So just like that we were introduced to this magnificent world and we were left wanting more as quickly as it came.

3.  Plot Progression.  Fans were glued to their seat as a plot developed.   The way this show has a narrative and continues to progress the story through episodic chapters was very intriguing.  Yep, really great how they pulled that off.

4.  Replay Value!    We can watch this show multiple times.   That’s why we’re fans.   I mean, It's my job to write about it so of course I watched it multiple times for research purposes.  That's why this article is riddled with winks to the fans ;)

5.  That one character we all don’t like and want to die.  I don’t have to say the name of him or her because the fans of The Killing already know what I’m talking about, am I right?  All shows have one, and The  Killing def has one, i'm sure.

6.  The filler episode. The one the casual fan hates but the real fans, like me, loved.  It brought more of an understanding to the world the series took place in.   It wasn’t bullshit, just like how I’m not bullshitting.

7.  The Community.    Us fans have built our own little culture.  It’s a cult hit, meaning not a whole lot of people watch it, meaning most of the fans won't even see this list.  They’re busy on forums, creating fan theories, art and discussing the depth of the show.  Luckily for me most of you reading haven’t watched.  I say "lucky for me" because I get to teach and make you interested in the greatest show of all time.   Not because you would call me out for a lack of knowledge or anything.   

8.  The Originality.   The show is incredibly unique, you can not use a standard template when writing about this show, no sir.   Very Creative.

Five Signs You're a 90's Kid!!

The music, the movies, the, like, totally rad slang dude!  There’s no doubt the 90’s was  it’s own wonderful little world.  The only way one could fully enjoy the amazement that the decade brought was to be a 90's kid!   That’s why we’ve compiled a list of the top five things only 90’s kids will understand, so power up that internet super highway and read on. 

 

1.  Doug!   We all followed that loveable ill skinned doofus and his quest to win Patty Mayonnaise's heart.  But we 90’s kids know the nickelodeon version is the classic one.   Disney Channel?  Ha, as if!

2.  That One Video!  You know, the one your mom wouldn’t let you watch until your 12th birthday?  The one of your dad explaining how he has cancer and wont live long enough to watch you become a man so he is bestowing all of his knowledge upon you?   Well, he recorded that on VHS!  Talk about primitive!  And to think your old man thought it was cutting edge at one point.  But you did too cuz that was the 90’s for ya!

3.  French Toast Crunch!   A 90's staple,  French Toast as a cereal?   That blew our minds!   We can even see it in the background of your dad's video.

4. Your Birth Certificate reads 1990!   Only 90’s kids are government certified.  It doesn’t get more official than that…unless…

5. Your Tombstone Reads 1990-1991!  You’re the ultimate 90’s kid! You had such low tolerance for the other decades, you got sudden infant death syndrome before you had to endure the rise of crocs.

The RIGHT Side Times

 

The RIGHT Side Times: Poll Taken At Trump Rally Reveals Trump As President 

Thorough Scientific Survey Reveals Trump as President.


Sorry Clinton fans, from the looks of things your tax dollars may end up going towards the white house hair supply fund .  A recent revealing poll shows that a whopping nine out of ten Americans say they would vote Mr. Donald Trump for the 2016 presidency if given the opportunity.   To put that in perspective, that’s 90 percent of the entire country, meaning if you were to put a finger down for every person voting for Mr. Trump it would leave you with one finger.   How mind blowing is that?

The extensive survey was taken at the scene of a Donald Trump rally in DC last week.  To ensure the survey was accurate as possible, our staff asked exactly ten of the attendees so there would be no form of a possible over or under calculation.

“Of course I’m voting for the Don!"  Says one supporter.   “I think he’s ballsy, standing up to world leaders like that.  You’re not gonna find another guy that blunt, and you’re not gonna find anyone else who will tell you that outside of this lecture hall, no sir!”  

Another woman says “Yeah, we’re the real voices of America!   If you want accuracy for what our country wants, you best come to this small niche of a group.  Where else are you going to know that most of our country wants a president who Trumps!  I think I saw The New York Times do a survey across the whole country and it didn’t mention any of us!  Well duh!   All 32 of us are here, not there!  ”

In fact the survey was so overwhelmingly evident, our staff only had to spend 5 minutes on the poll to obtain the outcome.   A very telling sign.

As for the remaining ten percent, some scathing words were used against our future president:  “I mean, I was just skating by and I watched this weird guy shout, DON JUAN, MORE LIKE ONE DON and then he high fived a guy.  It just seemed like a really odd thing to yell.    Am I voting for him?  Probably not cuz, like, I’m only 14.  So I can’t even if I wanted to.   So… I’m not totally sure why you would even ask me.  I look 12.”

There you have it, a blunt “no” on a candidate without any research on the individual what so ever.  This is the new school liberal way of voting.   Unfortunately for this kid the progressives aren’t going to progress this time around.  After all, statistics, or this blog for that matter, don’t lie.

9 SIGNS YOU BAGGED A REAL MAN



Ladies, we all know the dating game isn’t easy.  It’s hard to filter out the good guys from the losers.  Heck, if you’re not careful it may take years into your relationship to realize  who he truly is.  We all want the same thing.   A real man.  But what exactly makes a real man?  With this guide you’ll be able to filter out the fakes from the phonies in no time.

1.  Flash your pocket mirror at him.   Does he have a reflection?  According to science only real things have reflections.   Looks like you’re one step ahead of your girlfriends, cuz’ you got  yourself a real man!


2.  Poke him with a stick.  Is he tangible?   Congratulations!   You found yourself a real man

3.  Look for a skin like texture.   Is he made of water color?   Sorry honey but he ain’t the man for you.  That’s Prince Eric  from The Little Mermaid.   Not a real man at all, stay away.

 4. Take him to your local Doctor. If he determines he’s made up of atoms and molecules, then it looks like you got yourself a genu-ine  real man!  If he looks at you funny and says “this is not a real man.  You brought a mannequin to my office.   Why did you bring a mannequin to my office.”  then it’s back to the search for you kiddo!

5.  But wait, is the doctor male?  If so, give him the stick poke test before handing out your copay. If he passes, than rest assured you found yourself a real man!   Oooh, and he’s a doctor too?   Score!

6.  Does he introduce himself as a real man?   That’s shady.  Just like “nice guys”, self-proclaimed real guys probably aren’t real.   What’s scary is they may actually think they’re real and will act violently at your accusations of non realness. You don’t need  that in your life.

7.  Don’t build himReal men already come assembled by Mother Nature.  If you purchased and built your man out of a blueprint than roll the dice and try again.  He ain’t real.

8. Take Medication.  This is only for the ladies that are prescribed anti-psychotics.  Sweetie, we know you like him but you gotta understand  he’s just not real!  It’s your left lobe’s inability to process information correctly.  Take that pill, and get back to reality.  Your girlfriends miss you and are dying to introduce you to real men outside of the institution’s cell.

9. Be hydrated.  Real men don’t only come  in desert mirages.  If he sticks around after the hallucination chances are he’s the real deal!



Jon Stewart commits bloody murder

Did You See Jon Stewart Kill Bill O’Reilly Last Night? No Really…

Stewart isn’t only leaving his show, he’s bringing his enemies with him. Following the “Obliteration of Crossfire” Jon one upped this feat by committing first degree murder on national television

 

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With the recent announcement of his upcoming departure, it's clear Daily Showhost Jon Stewart is using his remaining days to get the last word on his predominantly conservative counterparts. No doubt you've seen him take on Fox News talking head Bill O'Reilly on both of their rivaling programs, and you are even more likely to have been aware of Rumble 2012, their widely sensationalized one off debate. But last night's Daily Show was a little more than a simple civil talk.

To phrase the events in the most matter-of-fact way possible: Jon Stewart killed Bill O'Reilly.

Starting off as a classic climate change debate Bill stated his usual case, regarding the cold winter not matching up with the term "warming" as we know it. The usually irreverent and comedic Stewart cast aside his satirical persona and took a drastically dark approach. Blow after blow fans cheered as Stewart eventually stepped out of his seat and made the man cease to be. By this I don't mean Stewart made a valid point, and I don't mean Stewart seemed to be more coherent and articulate than O'Reilly. What I'm trying to tell you is that the man took away his life.

Bill O'Reilly was murdered in front of a crowd that seated over 100 people.

The scene lasted 7 minutes. In classic mob mentality the crowd applauded and cheered in bloody horror as Stewart completely erased the identity of the former father of two. The news anchor was 65 years old.

It's a wonder the public eye has let the bloodthirsty funnyman enjoy a respected career when journalists have only blatantly told us of his countless murderous rampages. Over the years various news sources have reported Stewart being suspected of "Destroying Michelle Bachman" "Pimp Slapping Rupert Murdoch" and "Pillaging Sean Hannity's Village."

If you see Stewart please contact the authorities and don't attempt to converse with him. He is highly dangerous.

The art of the Brotherman Bill